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Thailand Humor and Jokes

This is starts out with the common difficulty of communicating in Tinglish but will prolly get into funny stories and other jokes. Thailand is noted for its Sanook, which means Fun, so this page will grow quickly.

Bangkok Room Service

Room Service: Morny, rune sor-bees.
Hotel Guest: Oh sorry, I thought I dialed room service.
Room Service: Rye, rune sore-bees. Morny. Jewish to ordor sunteen?
Hotel Guest: I'd like some bacon and eggs.
Room Service: Ow July then?
Hotel Guest: What?
Room Service: Aches. Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch..?
Hotel Guest: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, Scrambled please.
Room Service: Ow July thee Baycome? Crease?
Hotel Guest: Crisp will be fine.
Room Service: Okay. An Santos?
Hotel Guest: Ugh.....I don't know....I don't think so.
Room Service: No? Judo one toes?
Hotel Guest: Look, I really feel bad about this, but I just don't know what judo- one toes means, I'm sorry.
Room Service: Toes! Toes! Why Jew Don Juan toes? Ow bow eengligh mopping we bother?
Hotel Guest: English Muffin! I've got it! Toast! You were saying toast! Fine. An English Muffin will be fine.
Room Service: We Bother?
Hotel Guest: No, just put the bother on the side.
Room Service: Wad?
Hotel Guest: I'm sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.
Room Service: Copy?
Hotel Guest: I feel terrible about this, but ....
Room Service: Copy. Copy, tea, mill.
Hotel Guest: Coffee! Yes coffee please. And that's all.
Room Service: One minnie. Ass rune torino-fie, strangle aches, crease Baycome, tossy eengligh mopping we bother honey sight, and copy. Rye?
Hotel Guest: Whatever you say.
Room Service: Okay, Tenjewberrymud.
Hotel Guest: You're welcome.

This funny story was Posted on soc.culture.thai by RawBear

soc.culture.thai has Many funny stories, plus wars, flames and lots of politics


No More Soap, Please...

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between the
(very expensive) Westin Hotel in Chiang Mai (where Elizabeth Taylor
spends her time between marriages) and one of it's guests. The Hotel
ended up submitting the letters to the Chiangmai Gazette.


     Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove
the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest
and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. 
Thank you, 
     S. Berman 


     Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday,
from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish
as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and
put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your
mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my
instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope
this is satisfactory. 
     Kathy, 
     Relief Maid 


     Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning
the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I
found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine
cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have
brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays
which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing
teeth, etc. Please remove them.  
     S. Berman 


     Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps
which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which
were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your
Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience.
I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed
inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you
did not object to when you checked in last Monday.

Please let me know if I can of further assistance. 
     Your regular maid, 
     Pawn


     Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning
that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your
maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will
accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future
complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.Thank you. 
     Nok Pittayul 
     Housekeeper 


     Dear Miss Pittayul,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel
for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's
the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off
duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those
little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought
I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel
soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars
on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24
little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me? 
     S. Berman 


     Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to
your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further
assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.Thank you, 
     Nok Pittayul, 
     Housekeeper 


     Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my
room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and
had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets. 
     S. Berman 


     Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids
are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.
The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my
apologies for the inconvenience. 
     Martin L. Kensedder 
     Assistant Manager 


     Dear Mrs. Pittayul,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in
last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little
bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you
realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size
Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial. 
     S. Berman 


     Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.
Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so
I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the
3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything
about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not
know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the
3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues
bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left
in your room. 
     Nok Pittayul 
     Housekeeper 


     Dear Mrs. Pittayul,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess: 

On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 2. 

On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.


On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.

Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
2. 

In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist. 

On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. 

On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3. 

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window
sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
deliveries.

One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I
am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
misunderstandings. 
     S. Berman 

+------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|               Thai Shop & Restaurant "Chiang Mai"
|                   Havenstraat 18-20, Hilversum (NL)   
|                      e-mail NL: thaifood@wxs.nl                                
|               e-mail TH: rawbear@chmai.loxinfo.co.th                       
|              websites: http://bangkok.com/thaifood                      
|        (Dutch): http://members.xoom.com/adri_vormaat      
|  Phone/Fax: ++ 31 35 6248191 / GSM ++ 31 6 51609591     
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+

This was sent to me by Andrew.
During the recent economic meltdown MBAs started driving taxis and there was a very popular flea market in which the Formerly Rich sold Rolex watches, cars and cases of wine.
I'm not going to provide a glossary :-)

Hey! Aren't you Khun Wallop of Jintanakarn Securities?
-No, I'm Sudchaton of Sapparang-K Finance. Have we met?
I'm Pongsabat of Kleegrajai Tanakij
-Oh yes, I remember you now. How is Keegrajai Tanakij these days?
It's KLeegrajai!, kLee!, with a lor ling!.
-Of course. Tostee. Penyangngai bang la?
Yiem! Yiem! How's Sapparang-K?
-Ooh, yiemtastic!
It wasn't yub by the government then?
-Yub? Absolutely not! We're just um, re-engineering.
So are we at Kleegrajai. Re-engineering. Dee na, this re-engineering lark. I wish I'd invented it. So, what are you drinking?
-Black'n'soda. Johny Walker of course.
Nae-norn, nae-norn.
-You chob gin wine maichai rue? They have some wine yiemyiem here, why don't you order some?
Weeell, one has to make sacrifices these days, don't want chaobaan to kid wa mai ruk muang thai. 'Cos, still got lots of kong dee at home, I mainly chob French wine, Bordeaux mostly. Also have a few kuads of claret somebody gave me, not bad, por chai dai but mainly good for giving to other people... No, I'm sticking to beer today.
(Bartender)-Ao Black Cat eeg mai krub khun Sudchaton?
-Wha? Huay! Mai ao woy! I never drink that stuff, you know that! Take that away!......Ai bartender gonggong!
Probably drunk. Of course not that I think Thai booze is no good, that Black Dog stuff, sorry! Black Cat, I hear it's passable. You tried it?
-Mai mee one! My chauffeur liked it though, but rao tong keep up certain standards eh?

Got any hot tips for some shares? Len tua nai dee?
-Ya pai bok krai na, but I hear Consolidated Gapi is due for a take-over!
Consolidated Gapi? But that stinks! Tummai someone wants to buy it?
-Well, with the baht being so cheap, lailai khon think there's great future in Gapi export.
You tohlae! Who'd want to buy Thai Gapi?
-The Italians. We are marketing it as extract of anchovy. In easy to use packets.
Yen! I mean, cool!
Hey, you got your chauffeur, can you pai song me tee baan?
-Er, siajai, no-k, my Benz sport is in the garage.
What, the orange one with the huge spoiler? The one you said there isn't another one alike nai muang thai?
-Yeah, err, the overhead underhang sprocket needed a relube, and the choke-up, um, choked up.
That's too bad...... It wasn't being auctioned off at all then? Thought I saw it in Thai Rath.
-No, no, you must be kid thung another orange Benz sport.
I guess I'll have to catch rod mae then, you coming?
-Ur! Pom pai duay! Just to see what it's like of course.
Nae norn...

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